Our Angel

This will probably be the hardest post I will ever write. In December, my mom (Nana) passed away. We had known about Mom's cancer for years but did not have the need to aggressively fight it with treatment until January 2011. My mom is and will always be my everything! Not only for me, but my entire family and all of our friends. My mom had a way of being there for everyone and for every event big and small. She was a part of my daily life, from talking on the phone multiple times a day to driving up to see the kids. If feels like a bad dream and I still find myself reaching for the phone to call her to tell her about the stuff going on in our lives.

My mom was amazing, she loved her kids, and she and my dad were our biggest supporters. I can not even think of a time that she was ever upset with me. We never fought, argued, somehow we always saw eye to eye (well except my messy room from about the age of 12 to 15 :) )

My mom loved her grandbabies! She sacrificed so much for us. She would drive an hour and half at 6 am to come and watch Harrison for me while I worked. She was always there when we needed her...we would not even have to ask she would be here.

I am so grateful to have had the upbringing that I did. My parents loved each other and set for us an amazing example of what a relationship should look like. From bowling trips, roller coasters, Beach Boys and fried Chicken at the lake, my mom was always taking care of us and making sure we were happy.

This blog is 99% about and for our kids. So these pictures are all pictures of my Mom as a Nana. Some of the pictures at the end of the post my be hard to look at so you my not want to scroll all the way down. I wanted to remember everything about my mom. Her fight to beat this disease was incredible. All she wanted was to be here for her family and she will. Always in are hearts and on our minds.

This is from one of Meredith's Baby Showers for Davis. Mom was so excited about being a grandma and had decided that she wanted to be called Nana.

Papa, Davis, and Nana (Mom and Davis have a very special relationship:)

My baby shower at school for Harrison

Nana and Harrison

Don't you just love her "Nana" button?

After H baptism

Nana, Harrison and Papa

Princess Kate their first Granddaughter

Harrison's first birthday where we had just announced that they were going to have a 4th grand baby!

My Mom at a surprise baby shower for Avery. Here my mom is feeding one of my friends little girls Katelynn.

Surprise shower

Papa, Nana, and Avery James

Muggie and Papa (her parents) which she loved to the ends of the earth!

Kate's Baptism

Mom and Harrison on one of the days she was helping watch him while I was at work.

Somehow we talked mom and dad to go with us to CA. We were going to Jeff's step brother's wedding. My mom kept saying..."are you sure you do not want me to just keep them at home?". I insisted that they come and I am so grateful that I did. Harrison was 22 months and AJ was 3 months, pretty sure my parents thought we were nuts when this is how we looked at the airport. But they never missed a beat and were along for the ride. Even when my mom smashed her hand in the car and then 20 minutes later was throwing up in the back of the minivan we rented because she was car sick, she never complained.

Mom and Harrison on a carousel

Mom and Dad at the Jelly Belly factory outside Napa:)

After Jeff and Tara's beautiful wedding we hit up San Diego for a few days.

Sea World getting ready to watch Shamu.

Halloween 2009

AJ's Baptism

At least once every other week you could find us and Nana and Papas. This day we were visiting a local wildlife park.

Davis' Pre-school graduation

Summer of 2010 Mom and I took our only Mother-Daughter trip. We headed out to California again but this time to see my Cousin Kara, her husband Rick, and their baby (my Godson) Landon

Mom and Landon

2010 Pumpkin Patch with Kate and Meredith

Harrison was in heaven this day. He knew he had the coolest Nana

In November of 2010, Mom went with me (8 months pregnant with Elliott) and Harrison to St. Louis for Landon's Baptism. The next day we took Harrison to the zoo.

Christmas 2010 (mom knew she was sick but in her true fashion never complained and did not want us kids go know)

Mom and Elliott Marie January 2011

one week later the doctors confirmed that mom's cancer had gone aggressive and that she would start treatment immedently

Davis' 6th Birthday were mom and dad learned they were going to have a 6th Grandbaby.

Harrison was so excited to plant these flowers with Nana, still talks about it to this day.

Oliver's Graduation May 2011

And His ENGAGEMENT the same day. Mom was so excited!

Kate, Nana and Avery at her 2nd birthday

Nana and Elliott

Harrison Cuddling with Nana

We had chose mom and dad to be Elloitt's Godparents.

here we all are with Jeff's parents and grandmother

after the baptism we took the kids to see Winnie the Pooh. It was AJ and Elliott's :) first movie. The next day mom went to Mayo for 4 months, this was the last time the kids saw mom "healthy"

My Dad was my mom's primary caregiver but I tried to go up every other week so that he could go home to work and take care of the business. My brothers and aunt and uncle also came up to Mayo to visit and to take care of mom. This was a good day. Mom had just finish chemo and Dad and I checked her out on a day pass (her chemo was so aggressive that she had to stay inpatient). We were running around and being crazy like we had really busted her out of the joint:).

I always decorated her hospital room so she would know we were there and to keep fighting for us.
Mom basically did not eat solid food for 3 months, she would drink her food.

In September, Mom quailfied for a Stem Cell Transplant. This was the answer to our prayers.

Mom before transplant

Her and Dad at completion

Me and Mom, I was so proud of her for not giving up, she had suffered so much.

In November, I flew up one way to help drive mom home. When my parents went up in July they thought mom would only be there for a week, not 4 months. Mom was so excited to come home and we had a surprise for her 2 week old grandbaby #6 Madelynn.

The month of November was very hard for my parents. Mom was sick around the clock. She was going to the hospital and her local oncologist daily for fluids, blood produces, meds... The week of Thanksgiving we knew something was going on but were not sure what. We had been keeping all of the big grandkids away from mom because her immune system was so compromised and she was so sick. She was having and good day so Brice brought Davis down to see her. Davis was so excited to share a popicel with Nana.

Davis even wrote Nana all about their visit

When we could see that mom was not getting better, I asked Jeff to bring our kids down. The kids and I went down the gift shop and Harrison and Avery pick out a lovie for Nana. Which was very fitting, it happen to be a pink angel bear, my kids are obsessed with their lovies and Nana is the one that gave them all their first lovie.

Elliott and Nana

Harrison and Nana. Harrison was a little scared of the whole situation but he did like pushing mom's pain pump:)

Avery and Nana. Avery probably kissed Nana 15 times. We play a game where I pretend to be asleep and the kids will kiss me and I will wake up like Sleeping Beauty. AJ though Nana was playing:) Mom only woke up once while the kids were there. She woke up to Avery trying to talk to her. She look at Harrison and Avery and said "Hi Sweeties" and then went right back to sleep.

The next day the doctors did confirmed that the cancer had spread to mom's brain and most likely throughout her whole body. My dad talked to my brothers and I, and we decided that it was the right time to put mom in hospice. I had already been camping out there 24/7 for at least a week and moving mom to hospice was not going to change anything. Most of our family had come to see mom at the hospital and/or hospice. Everyone got to say goodbye. Hospice was very diffecult and it seemed like mom's body was detireating fast. Mom woke up twice for me, when it was just her and I, I got to tell her how much I loved her and how grateful I am for her. I told her it was ok to let go and go to heaven, that she and the doctors had done all they could. I also told her that we all were going to be alright and that was because of her and we were going to take care of each other. Tears rolled down her face and she said "Sarah, I love you" My Dad even got a couple of moments with her alone when she was awake. She was so sick and in so much pain that the pain meds kept her very dazed and asleep. Jeff spent time with mom alone (i was in the ajoining room, never was far:) The things he said to mom were so beautiful and thoughtful, it means the world to me.

On December 2nd mom passed away in her sleep. I had woken up at 5am when the nurse had come in to check on us and to push her pain pump (I was worried I would sleep to long and it would not get pushed and she would be in pain, so we had the nurse come in through out the 2nd night in hospice to push her pump), mom seem to be resting more comfortable then she had in days. At 5:40 the nurse came in to check her vitals, she woke me up and told me mom had passed away.

Everything about Mom's services was beautiful and prefect. Everyone was so amazing!

This last year has been so difficult, but we could not have made it through without the love of my parents, brothers and Meredith/Kristal, family, and friends. Jeff has been so amazing juggling 3 little kids and never complaining about me being gone weeks at a time. My in-laws help us sooo much we could not of done it without their support. Our friends have been there for us, checking on us, helping out with the kids even when they were also going through life changing events of there own. Jeff and I were also blessed with some amazing babysitters that love our kids and they love them back.

MY AMAZING MOTHER WILL FOREVER BE IN MY HEART AND ON MY MIND.